


First Kiss

by Reeseykins



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5681233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reeseykins/pseuds/Reeseykins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the years, it becomes clear that Erwin and Levi should be together - but it isn't ever that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "first kiss" from one of my lovely tumblr followers. Thanks to englandwouldfalljohn for beta-reading for me! :)

The first time they almost kissed Erwin hadn’t been expecting it in the slightest.  It was a rare occurrence for him to be caught off-guard, but in the short period of time since Levi had officially joined Survey Corp he had been chock full of surprises, so he wasn’t exactly sure why this particular incident jolted him the way it did.

They were up late, long past when everyone else was in bed.  Levi was perched on the edge of Erwin’s desk, humoring him as he vented about the delicate egos of the nobility.

“Sounds like they need to see a titan up close.  After they shit themselves in fear, maybe they’ll stop being such assholes about our funding.”

Erwin laughed and rubbed at his eyes tiredly.  Much to his surprise, he found Levi’s caustic attitude and crude humor…agreeable, in a sense.  It had become familiar, like Mike’s keen sense of smell, or Hange’s insatiable curiosity, so much so that he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he was suddenly forced to live without it.

Their conversation at a natural end, Erwin pushed himself up out of his chair, planning on calling it a night. Levi’s crossed legs blocked his way and, rather than hop down off Erwin’s desk, he stayed put, hemming Erwin into the corner of his office.  He looked up at Erwin slowly from behind the fall of his hair.

The air in the room seemed to go still as Levi reached a tentative hand up towards Erwin’s chest.  For a moment, Erwin had the strange thought that maybe Levi was trying to kill him after all, but the softness in his face quickly convinced him that that couldn’t be it. Levi inclined his chin up, and it seemed to Erwin that he’d never really looked at Levi’s lips before, so rosy pink.  

“I want to know if I’m off base here,” Levi stated, his serious tone bringing Erwin back to his right mind.  Unbidden, his first thought was, _you’re not_. How and when had that occurred, he wondered?  He swallowed hard, pushing down the sudden emotion – desire? Or even more?

“I’m your superior officer,” he managed.  Levi frowned a little and abruptly pulled his hand back, then hopped off the desk.  He picked idly at a speck of lint on his pants that only he could see, looking entirely unaffected.

“Well, see you in the morning.”

And without another word Levi slipped out of his office, off into the night.

* * *

Over the years, they became nearly-inseparable.  Erwin and Levi; their closest friends spoke of them like a unit, one word slurred together. Their daily routines were synchronized: they did calisthenics in the morning together, they ate their meals together, they wrote their reports together and, on the rare occasions they had down-time, they spent that together too.

But despite their closeness – and in stark contravention to the rumors (which were often so racy that Erwin couldn’t bear to share them with Levi, even if only for a laugh) – it was a platonic intimacy.  Aside from that one odd occasion years ago, there had never been any indication of desire, any inkling of romantic interest.  At least, not anything that they showed each other.

The second time they almost kissed, Erwin felt for sure that Levi was in love with him – and that he was in love with Levi. 

They were out beyond Wall Rose, attempting to use Hange’s latest contraption: a modified cannon that shot long cables with metal anchors that could latch into trees or, in theory, titan flesh.  After a number of tests, Hange was confident the system was ready for a field trial.

The ride out from Trost was uneventful.  Erwin organized the troops in a defensive formation at the forest’s edge and sent Levi and his squad off to lure a titan into Hange’s trap.  They were back in minutes, a 7-meter class in tow. Hange’s cannons fired off beautifully, trapping the creature with an ear-piercing boom. 

Erwin watched as Levi’s squad scattered. Levi circled back around, doing a sweep of the perimeter as Hange and her soldiers set about testing the strength of the anchors now pinning the titan in place.  One of Levi’s men, Eld, rode up beside Erwin to watch his Squad Leader’s progress.

“Nice work,” Erwin commented.

“What’s that sir?” the young man practically shouted back at him. 

Erwin realized in the next-split second what had happened, but it was already too late.  The cannon explosion had made his ears ring, and he was standing almost 50 feet away.  For Levi and his squad it must have been deafening given their close proximity to the device when it fired. 

He turned back and saw his worst fears confirmed: there was a titan approaching Levi on his left rear flank, and Levi couldn’t hear him.

“Levi!” Erwin shouted as loud as he could manage, but it went unheard.  He spurred his horse forward, trying desperately to reach him or at least get his attention, but time was moving too fast.  He watched in horror as the titan’s open palm swung down in a long arc, swiping Levi clean off his horse and sending him tumbling head-over-foot into the grass. 

Erwin headed straight for Levi as Eld and the rest closed in on the titan. 

_He isn’t dead. He can’t die._

Levi was bent over himself at an odd angle, and for a heart-rending moment Erwin thought his neck was broken.  He dismounted and ran to him, gathering him up in his arms and calling his name over and over, commanding him to be alive.  His nose was streaming blood, obviously broken, and his cravat was already nearly soaked red, but his eyes fluttered open at Erwin’s insistent calls. 

“Levi, stay with me –” Erwin demanded.  Levi reached up with red-stained fingers and touched Erwin’s face before passing out again.

A few hours later, after they’d made it safely back to base, Erwin came to see Levi in his quarters. He’d broken at least one rib, and a large purple bruise was already spreading across his nose and under his eyes, but despite that he was awake and sitting up in bed with his arms crossed, looking for all the world like a petulant child who had just been told he couldn’t have a treat.

“Fucking four-eyes says I can’t train for at least a month,” he said as soon as Erwin had shut the door behind him.  He sat down in the room’s lone chair, pulling it close to the head of the bed.

“I’m sure Hange’s right, Levi. You need time to adequately heal.”

“Fuck that, I’ll be fine in a couple days.”

Erwin felt an uncharacteristic sense of dread well up in him.  “You almost died, Levi, the least you could do is listen to her recommendations.”

Levi’s mouth snapped shut and he feel silent, looking chastised.  “I didn’t though.”

Erwin surveyed him, morbidly considering just how close he had come to death.

“I was worried,” he said at last, his voice coming out much softer than he’d anticipated.

“Yeah.”  Levi stared up at him with glassy eyes.  They sat together in heavy silence, the weight of Erwin’s statement settling over them.  Erwin looked down at his hands, for once in his life not sure what else to say.

Levi extended his hand out tentatively to Erwin’s face, and Erwin felt his breath catch in his chest.  He thought of a similar moment years before, an almost-encounter that he’d never been able to wipe from his memory.  This time, Erwin felt his resolve slip as Levi touched one slender finger to his chin, turning his face to look him right in the eye.  He leaned imperceptibly closer, so close that he could feel Levi’s breath on his skin.

“We…I –” Erwin stuttered, the protests dying on his lips. 

He broke away and stood up abruptly, straightening his uniform jacket so that his hands had something to do besides shake.

“Erwin,” Levi called.  “I know, we can’t. You…can’t, but…”

Erwin closed his eyes and marshaled all his willpower. He wanted to stay, wanted to hold Levi in his arms and kiss away all the pain and madness of the world they lived in, but it couldn’t be – he had to stay focused. 

“If I could, with anyone… it would be with you.”

He turned and walked out the door without looking back.

* * *

Then came Eren Jaeger, whose mysterious abilities changed everything.  For the first time, Erwin’s dreams seemed achievable in his lifetime.  He had to act fast; and act he did, but their enemies had the advantage, and in the blink of an eye he found himself staring his own death square in the face.

Searing pain.  His arm was on fire; he could feel it snap between massive, gnashing teeth.  He wasn’t sure how he managed to survive, how he overcame the pain and the loss of blood to continue their mission to rescue Eren, but he held out just long enough to see him safe in their custody once again.

Coming out of the coma was like swimming up out of a deep, black pool.  The world seemed fuzzy around the edges, different shades of darkness and muffled voices talking over him.  But through the haze, he could sense a familiar presence by his side. 

There were no declarations of love, no desperate pleas for affection, but Levi’s quiet breathing and low, monotone voice guided Erwin back to the light.

After he debriefed with Levi and Hange, Erwin laid out his plan.  It meant that they were splitting up, at least for the time being.  Levi seemed, as always, prepared to carry out Erwin’s orders to the letter, but even so Erwin could sense his agitation. 

“Don’t get yourself killed,” Levi implored. 

“We’ll see each other again,” Erwin promised, although both he and Levi knew it was by no means a certainty.

He reached for Levi, wishing that he had taken the chance to hold him in his arms before.  Even if they lived through the coming days, it would never be possible now.  There was so much left unsaid and unresolved that it seemed a waste to deny themselves another minute more.

The third time they almost kissed, Erwin was the one to initiate – but Levi wouldn’t have it.

“I don’t want this to mean goodbye,” he said, as Erwin’s lips ghosted over his.  

Levi stood and saluted.  Erwin understood.  For now, they couldn’t afford distractions.  If they made it out the other side, well perhaps then they could settle what was between them once and for all.

* * *

They were on their second long, unproductive discussion about the future.  It had been three months since they’d achieved victory over the titans, and all of their old friends and colleagues were moving on to new assignments or, in some cases, civilian life.  Erwin had spent the time working with the other arms of the military to smooth the transition to the new regime, but as for his plans going forward, he’d stayed quiet.

Levi was obstinate.  He had his back to Erwin and was methodically refolding his clothing, obviously trying to avoid the discussion altogether.  At one point, years past, Erwin had needled out of Levi that if he was ever granted the chance to live a normal life he would settle in one of the bigger towns and open up a tea shop, or maybe a café.  Now that the opportunity was before him, he was refusing to even consider the possibility.

“But Levi, you should just go to Karanese next week and look at a couple of locations.  There’s still time before the exploratory force moves out next month – just because you’ve studied all your options doesn’t mean you’ve changed your mind about going.”

“Old man, why don’t you just shut the hell up? I told you, I go where you go.”

Levi knew that the Queen had asked Erwin to head the first exploratory mission beyond the formerly-walled territory.  What he didn’t know was that Erwin had turned her down.

“I don’t want you to feel beholden to me.  You’re free to make your own path now,” Erwin said calmly.

It was a little cruel, toying with Levi like this, if he was being honest. 

“ _Pft_ , I’ve always been free. You think I followed you all this time because of duty or some shit?”

Erwin smiled to himself. It was as close to a flat-out admission of love as Levi would come under these circumstances.

“Levi, I refused the mission.  I resigned this morning.”

Levi stopped mid-fold, frozen. 

“You fucking did _what?_ ”

“I resigned.  There’s a school in Karanese that offered me the position of headmaster.  I was hoping you would…come with me.”

Levi turned and looked at him at last with wide eyes. Erwin wasn’t sure who broke the long pause that followed, but it seemed that all at once they were reaching for each other.  Levi’s fingers hooked into Erwin’s shirt and yanked him down while Erwin’s palm found its way to Levi’s cheek, and in the next moment their lips were touching.  Levi was warm, so warm to the touch, and Erwin leaned down over him, soaking up his radiant heat like he would die if he didn’t get enough.

Levi’s tongue was swift and sweet, searching its way into Erwin’s mouth for a second.  He coiled his arms up around Erwin’s neck and pulled back, their foreheads touching as they caught their breath together.

"Karanese isn’t so bad,” Levi said, and Erwin leaned back down for another kiss.


End file.
